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Mending Fences
There were times on the farm when some bull would break down the fence. We would have to take an hour or two to find the hole and mend the fence. If we didn’t fix what needed fixing, several animals would get out, neighbors would call and we would have to go find them and work to get them back in pasture. Besides creating some tension with neighbors, it would take ten times longer to get animals back in the pasture than it would to mend the fence.
Without love, sensitivity, compassion and longsuffering, relationships with brethren will develop problems. A lack of communication and distancing create a void susceptible to misunderstandings. And, not addressing misunderstandings between brethren is very much like leaving a hole in the fence – it takes a lot more work trying to fix what could have been remedied by not delaying. A humble apology, even when there was no intent to hurt another, goes a long way to making things right and avoiding a BIG problem. So, why don’t Christians do that? Why would anyone not fix what could be fixed to keep our relationships and friendships intact as brethren? Probably, more than anything else, emotions like pride, hurt, anger and guilt get in the way. And, sometimes, immaturity and inability to handle people associations restrict openness in addressing difficulties.
But, if the same old bull kept tearing down fences, our options were limited – auction or locker plant. Perhaps there might be some analogy there as well?
Jesus taught that where sin had occurred between disciples, there was to be a one-to-one procedure first (Matthew 18:15-18). And “if he will hear” is used with an expectant sense of “thou has gained thy brother.” He was not addressing, in this instruction, a situation where a brother got miffed, because he wore his feelings on his shirtsleeve. Neither was Jesus instructing one to go to his brother whose attitude is “I have been waiting for an opportunity to tell them off…”
However, a personal, one-on-one approach is also better when misunderstandings occur among brethren. Frequently, there are imagined hurts and judging motives of another. We can allow our imaginations to run wild and the longer the delay in dealing with either a real sin or an imagined one, the more the imagination is magnified – the hole keeps getting bigger.
We expect God to be forgiving (Matthew 6:10-ff) and longsuffering (2 Peter 3:9). When we sin and seek his forgiveness, we expect complete, unqualified restoration to fellowship (1 John 1:7-9). It is imperative, then, that we be like God in extending those things to our brethren (cf. 1 John 4:8-11). Can you imagine that God would get miffed, sull up, act childish, turn the other way so he would not have to speak and hold a grudge?
If there is a continued strife between brethren, either one or both of the parties is not doing what Jesus says is to be done. We should be committed to do whatever it takes to restore a right relationship. Because there are some in the kingdom that have never conformed to the image of the Son, it is impossible to appease them. Though God designed for tender compassion in brotherly love, you cannot have closeness with those who are not the character of Christ. There are some people, who because of their disposition, constantly tend to create problems with brethren in a local congregation. They are selfish and hard to get along with. They bite and devour (Galatians 5:14-15). They need to understand that harboring a grudge is not only an indication of childishness, it is a sin.
How am I to react to those people? How am I to deal with them? Even though closeness and tender affections are restricted by another’s behavior, I have to love them as God loves us at times – with a noble love that seeks their best interest first. I do not have the right to take vengeance or wish them evil (Romans 12:19-21). I am not to let them control my life by their negative reactions to me. I can admonish them to do right but I cannot control their decisions -- I can only control my own life – “…be no overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good…” (Romans 12:21). I am to have a forgiving disposition toward them (Ephesians 5:32). And, I am to pray for them (1 Timothy 2:1, 8; 1 John 5:16).
If problems between brethren are not resolved, then, as was true of the fence breaking bull, our options may be limited – the auction or the locker plant. – Jim R. Everett
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